This is a script I abandoned a couple years ago. I called it Chase. I have no idea why. I was really inexperienced at that point. Looking back at old scripts you wrote a few years ago really helps you find your flaws, or see how much you’ve improved since then!
Opening:
Fade to: Andrea Young writing a letter. The opening credits begin.
We see her writing and we hear it being dictated by her mind:
Andrea
dear mom, i’m sorry its been so long since I called or wrote. there’s just been so much going on, and, well I’m sure you understand. I’ve been busy with everything you can imagine. Work, parties and of course dinner dates. My co worker asked me out for the 60th time it seems yesterday. Its set for tonight and I think perhaps we’re getting pretty serious. I can hear you asking right now, “What kind of guy is he?” well, Hayden is the greatest. He makes me laugh, he understands me, and he’s got a smile and eyes that I feel could blow me away sometimes. Back to the true point of this letter though; I enclosed a check for you guys. I wasn’t sure how you were doing so I thought I’d surprise you this month. It’s for three hundred and I…
CAR HONKS She abandons the letter, leaving it lying on the desk, and looks out the window. A nice looking car is waiting outside. She turns around in a hurry, throws down the pen on the desk and grabs her coat. She is all ready dressed for the date. She leaves the room and closes the door.
2nd Scene: The Frightening Date
Hayden and Andrea are driving down the road. Hayden has a big smile on his face and is looking at Andrea.
Andrea smiles back.
ANDREA
So where are we going?
HAYDEN
There’s a little place right downtown. Good food, good dancing music. Sound good?
ANDREA
it sounds great.
HAYDEN: laughs quietly through with his mouth closed and smiles at Andrea.
ANDREA: smiles back, she looks out the window for a second and then turns to him with a concerned look.
ANDREA
you’re hitting 60.
HAYDEN
huh?
ANDREA
it says 40.
HAYDEN
(starting to slow the car down, a little nervous)
Oh, I guess your right. Just a bad habit, sorry.
ANDREA
that’s fine
HAYDEN
I really missed you.
ANDREA
(smiling)
It’s only been a week since we saw each other.
He pulls into the parking lot and stops the car. Then looks at her again.
HAYDEN
(emphasizing the LONG)
One long week.
ANDREA
you’re right. Truthfully, I missed you every second.
Both share a long romantic glance.
HAYDEN
(still grave and looking at her)
Well, should we go in?
ANDREA
(smiles)
all right.
We go to a pleasant candle lit table where they are sitting. Romantic music with lyrics is playing.
They have their first course of salad.
Hayden:
Hows work?
ANDREA
its fine, seems like I’m on my feet every moment, but I enjoy being busy.
HAYDEN
of course you do.
HAYDEN
Now, then allow me to rescue you from “Common Coversation”
ANDREA
(laughing)
What common conversation?
HAYDEN
work, weather etc.,. We’ve known each other too long for all that.
ANDREA
I guess we have.
HAYDEN
(rather tenderly and quiet)
perhaps, a conversation piece would set us going.
HAYDEN: pulls out a ring box and opens it in front of her.
HAYDEN
Perhaps it will arouse a little talk about, us and me.
HAYDEN
(takes her hand in his)
What you think of me, what you like about me, what you hate about me, and most of all if you love me.
ANDREA
Oh Hayden.
HAYDEN
(takes the ring from the box and slips it onto her finger)
Many questions. But one answer will do.
ANDREA
I love you Hayden.
HAYDEN
I love you too.
HAYDEN: picks up her hand and kisses it.
Andrea’s phone rings while he does this, he comes up, and Andrea looks towards her cellphone (lying on the table nearby)
She picks it up.
ANDREA
Hello?
pause
ANDREA
Yes this is she.
She gets up and leaves the table. Hayden gets up after and goes in her direction.
We cut to her walking in the dark in the parking lot, still on the phone.
ANDREA
Yes that’s my parents. Is anything wrong?
pause
ANDREA
(stiffens, horrified)
What do you mean? No, that can’t be!
pause
ANDREA
okay, just please, which hospital?
go to: An ambulance blaring a siron and pulling into a hospital (siron slows down and goes off) as they pull up to the emergency parking.
We go to the hospital waiting room. The door opens and Mark Young enters. He goes up to the front desk.
mark young
(worried and talking fast)
Excuse me.
lady at desk
yes?
MARK YOUNG
My name is Mark Young. I’ve come to inquire about Abigal and Markus Young. Are there any updates?
LADY AT DESK
They were just brought in. Examinations are starting immediatly.
MARK YOUNG
Any idea of how bad they’re hurt?
LADY AT DESK
We can’t know yet. I’m sorry.
Back to:
Andrea, closes her phone, and looks up at the starless sky.
ANDREA
Oh God.
She presses her hands to her eyes to wipe away some tears. She is crying and sniffing.
Hayden comes up from behind.
HAYDEN
Are you alright Andrea?
ANDREA
(turning around)
Just help me get on a train to Gardner.
HAYDEN
(reaching a hand out and laying it on her shoulder in concern)
Whats wrong?
ANDREA
(choking in sobs)
Please. I need to think.
HAYDEN
(softly and tenderly)
okay.
We go to Andrea on a subway train. She’s looking at a picture of her parents at their wedding. She closes the picture, and looks out the window with tears in her eyes.
We show her stepping off the train and making her way through crowds of people. She is sad.
We go to Mr. and Mrs. Young’s funeral which takes place outside on a cloudy day. Mark and Andrea are standing there. Its windy and rainy. Their hair is blowing in the wind. Andrea has tears falling down her face. The minister is talking, he goes to mention that they were taken away in a car accident. The funeral continues as…
V.O ANDREA(emotionally, perhaps sobbing a bit):
Mom, Dad. It is impossible for you to know how broken I feel now that you are torn away from me. I feel like a part of my heart has just been cut out, and is never to be replaced. If you could only know how much I loved you.
Towards the last words of the sound clip we show Andrea opening the door to Mark’s car, turning around and looking at the deserted new graves. She then turns around and gets into the car with Mark. The V.O ends.
The End. That was where I stopped. A holey, melodramatic story that I couldn’t bring anywhere. It came from a lack of planning. I have to admit, I never outlined or developed the story anywhere but my mind! Its No wonder it failed.